How would you describe tucking to a non-skater?
Hey guys... mind if i pick your brain? How would you describe tucking to a non-skater? without pictures!
Its for a creative non-fiction class. I've been mucking around with it, but when you start saying "front foot 45 degrees tot he board, back knee tucked behind front knee, chest parallel to the ground, head in front, arms around sides, back foot on toe tips, hands kinda grabbing ur own butt..." it gets kinda long winded and confusing. =S the closest I could think of was speed skiing in winter olympics. They do kinda tuck... but it confuses the reader...
I kind of need it in the opening paragraph below, something better then the bolded text.
"7 a.m. Mountain highway, Mt. Dandenong. Each breath you take resounds in the full-face and fogs up your visor. Ignore the condensation forming on the inside. Once the run starts, the early morning mountain air will stream in and clear it up. Peering through the misty polycarb, you check for traffic. A thumbs up pops out of the chase car and it is a go. Push, push, push, tuck. Head first, body parallel to the ground, arms held tightly to your side. Think speed skiing, winter Olympics. The roar of urethane wheels hum inside the foam shell and the rushing wind is reduced to a dull whisper. Your visor clears and the first corner appears. You’re falling headfirst and it’s all downhill from here."
p.s -I know I can put my writing out here cuz its such a safe and nice environment.
Its for a creative non-fiction class. I've been mucking around with it, but when you start saying "front foot 45 degrees tot he board, back knee tucked behind front knee, chest parallel to the ground, head in front, arms around sides, back foot on toe tips, hands kinda grabbing ur own butt..." it gets kinda long winded and confusing. =S the closest I could think of was speed skiing in winter olympics. They do kinda tuck... but it confuses the reader...
I kind of need it in the opening paragraph below, something better then the bolded text.
"7 a.m. Mountain highway, Mt. Dandenong. Each breath you take resounds in the full-face and fogs up your visor. Ignore the condensation forming on the inside. Once the run starts, the early morning mountain air will stream in and clear it up. Peering through the misty polycarb, you check for traffic. A thumbs up pops out of the chase car and it is a go. Push, push, push, tuck. Head first, body parallel to the ground, arms held tightly to your side. Think speed skiing, winter Olympics. The roar of urethane wheels hum inside the foam shell and the rushing wind is reduced to a dull whisper. Your visor clears and the first corner appears. You’re falling headfirst and it’s all downhill from here."
p.s -I know I can put my writing out here cuz its such a safe and nice environment.
Tags: writing
Views: 4
Replies to This Discussion
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Premium MemberPermalink Reply by Dani on -
Sounds fine. I don't even think the ''Think DOWNHILL skiing, winter olympics'' is necessary. Head first is a pretty good description, people will interpret it differently no matter how you explain it.
''Head first, body parallel to the ground, arms PULLED tightly by your side, reducing all wind resistance possible with only one thing in mind. Speed. The roar of urethane wheels....
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Permalink Reply by Robbo on
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A tuck is the same thing in skiing, in cycling, in diving, in gymnastics in plastic surgery. Its not generally misunderstood. It means to fold something together eg. bring your knees and your chest together
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ASRA AdminPermalink Reply by Bugs on -
I'd write it as a first-person internal monologue, sort a like:
"Get into my tuck. Tighter. Head forward, squeeze my arms in. Get smaller, cheat the air."
or something...
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Permalink Reply by Meddii Blackburn on
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I read it to mum and she came up with some wierd sort of pose; nothing like a tuck. Maybe adding a part about pulling your knees into your chest might clarify that the person isn't actually laying on the ground (which mum thought they were doing)
"Head first, body parallel to the ground, knees tucked into your chest, arms held tightly to your side. Think speed skiing, winter Olympics."
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Premium MemberPermalink Reply by Adam on -
Add a bit about "chest resting on your front legs knee or thigh" and you're good to go.
in your own high quality sentence structure of course.
just realised its already been said.
i really like the idea from bugs of making it your thoughts from inside your own head.
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Permalink Reply by A E-B on
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i think thats a fine description. People would understand that easily. Although the winter olympics bit is probably not necesarry. Instead say something about your front leg hiding the back. Replacing the speed skiing
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Premium MemberPermalink Reply by haggy on -
how about
"Push, push, push, then crouch into a low tuck. Head first, torso parallel to the ground, knee to your chest, arms held tightly to your side. You're aero-dynamic now, accelerating through the wall of wind resistance."
and
"You're flying headfirst and it's all downhill from here."
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Permalink Reply by Ben Shane on
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Some people I asked were thought I was lying on my chest because of the "body parallel to the ground" bit and the "head first". haha. its kinda hard for a non-skater to know what we're talking about while keep sentences short, nice and clean. of course not everyone will get it, but it needs to at least make sense to most readers.
Thanks for the awesome feedback guys! really appreciate it! =]
danni: i forgot to mention wind resistance.
bugs: 'cheat the air' is nice!
adam: good idea. thanks!
haggy: another great idea. =]
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talk about standing on the deck but call it something special. And then talk about your body leaning parallel to the ground or something like thiat
Ben Shane said:Some people I asked were thought I was lying on my chest because of the "body parallel to the ground" bit and the "head first". haha. its kinda hard for a non-skater to know what we're talking about while keep sentences short, nice and clean. of course not everyone will get it, but it needs to at least make sense to most readers.
Thanks for the awesome feedback guys! really appreciate it! =]
danni: i forgot to mention wind resistance.
bugs: 'cheat the air' is nice!
adam: good idea. thanks!
haggy: another great idea. =]
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Permalink Reply by stephen.mhsrider on
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get aero* attain speed
*while standing
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