I had heard about Melton for a few years and seen a few photos in the mainstream mags. But they still gave me no clear impression of what awaited us upon our arrival there. I googled "Melton" for a better idea. While the first result was uninteresting, the second result was more promising. It was a link to Melton International Tackle - the ultimate in big-game tackle & accessories. Hmmm, could this have something to do with Melton? As it turns out -No, although there were some guys fishing the dam behind the ditch. I asked them what they were catching and they looked at me with ravenous eyes, saying nothing. I was worried they might give up on fishing and eat me instead, so quickly moved on. "Ok fellas, cool. Good luck fishing. I'm just gonna go skate the ditch." But the second google result was right about one thing - BIG. Oh yes indeed, Melton is big. Not just big, it's positively huge. Massive. It reminded of me of one of my favorite yo mama jokes:
"Yo mama's so fat, she climbed in the Grand Canyon and got stuck!"
We are definitely south of the border
If you look closely you will see this is actually a mannequin. See the color of the skin, that pasty color?
This could be the Grand Canyon, except we are skating it. I have never seen photos of anyone skating the Grand Canyon so my guess is we are probably not at the Grand Canyon, but at Melbourne's version - Melton. Also, I still have money in my wallet, which means I probably wasn't in Las Vegas last night losing all my money on the craps table and waking up with a hangover and driving to take a photo of the Grand Canyon before flying home.
The tucking epidemic continues. Bear reckons they will soon be tucking on Masterchef to finish their dishes in time.
Big enough for ya? Would you like to skate this? Come to Melbourne next year. It will be epic.
Bernie stars in the Neverending Summer on the Neverending Wave...
Roll in over the camel hump and off you go. She's a beaut aint she...
What's the matter Paul? Smile. You just rode the biggest ditch in Oz.
There are loads of things you can do in Melbourne. For the culturally minded, you can visit art galleries and museums. For the culinary interested, Melbourne is a smorgasbord of world class cooking. Are you into sport? Well, of course Melbourne has the tennis, the AFL and the F1, to name a few. But Melbourne also offers other interesting activities...
chop chop snip snip
Jonny McGrath was at the council swimming pool when he heard there was a slalom race on. He didn't have his skatey with him so did the next best thing - unscrewed the diving board and bolted some trucks and wheels onto it. Awesome!
Did you know Bugs lived in Japan and studied Japanese calligraphy for over ten years? He is one of Australia's master calligraphers. That's why we always get Bugs to write the results up. By the way kids, calligraphy is not the same as tagging.
Billy is impressed by Bugs' stylish writing.
This is also not tagging. It is stencilling. Wedge shows us how a roll-in ramp gathers MOSS.
Imi was on fire all day. Every time I see her I am stoked on how much she is improving and how fast she is skating. Go Imi Go! She took down stylemasterJonny in an impressive display of raw power, pumping by him in the middle section of the course.
"Well Imi, you sure are fast. What do you eat for breakfast - rocket fuel?!" "Yes, that and a fistful of ceramic bearings!"
The big fellas battle it out. Judge vs da Bear!
Ching showed up and told me she was scared of the slalom course. This from a woman who's been down Mount Panorama at 100 kmh! After a few runs she didn't look scared anymore! *hammer photo
Is there anything more powerful on this planet than life itself? And therefore the creation of life must be doubly powerful. Doglog is having his second child soon and some of this life creation power seems to have rubbed off on him. A blistering attack secured him 1st place. His first first in the Conehead Cup - totally rad!
Doglog is so fast he's already halfway out of the photo. i thought dressing like an idiot might help but clearly it didn't.
The view from the start ramp. We all know Bugs sets hard courses but that white course on the left is ridiculous!
Christmas in July is soon upon us and Bernie gets in some practice before he heads to the shopping mall for his second job as Father Christmas.
Bernie also greatly enjoys dancing.
The man with the most - Doglog takes it for NACCOS!
After a couple of days of skating we did what most people would do with a day off. We went to the snow. Why? Robbo begged me to go as he hasn't seen snow since he was a kid. I've never seen him so excited before. He was positively giddy. He was rolling around in the snow like a lassie dog with fleas. He was chasing kids around, building snowmen, licking metal objects to see if his tongue would stick. It was ridiculous.
Oh my my - who are those cute ASRA lads having a snowball fight!
Haggy prays to the snow god. It is the only god he will pray to. It's a small god and melts in the sun but don't tell him that, he gets upset.
Bugs surprised us my pulling some snowgear out of his hat and having a few runs. He missed the wallride contest at the ditch but wanted to show us how radical he is. He actually made this.
People ask me all the time how I make a living. I don't seem to work much, yet drive around in a maserati and only date blonde girls. I holiday around the world and only wear the finest clothes. I drink champagne, not beer. I also eat fancy chocolates created in small swiss towns with unpronounceable names. "How do you do it?" the people ask me. "What is the secret?" Well, do you know how almost every fancy golf course in the world is named after Greg Norman? next time you're in a ski resort have a look around. I lend my name to ski clubs and get paid substantial royalty fees.
Yours truly ski club #1.
Of course, there were other reasons to go to the snow. Like checking out the road... Was it skateable? Unskateable? Well, holy hell folks, it's one wild nutso road that's for sure. Think mega steep, lots of corners, and no runout at all at the finish line...
A taste of things to come...
Melbourne sunsets are just as nice as Townsville sunsets...
Thanks for now Melbourne! Big ups to the organisers and sponsors. You guys do it in style!
1. Nathan Paff
2. Haggy Strom
3. Colin Beck
4. Dave Robertson
5. Kurt Nischel
6. Dave Miller
7. Nick Sable
8. Imi McMillan
9. John McGrath
10. Marty Kent
11. Mark Winfer
12. Boyd McMillan
13. Arran Pratt
14. Neil Willington
15. Brady Lane
16. Hamish McIntyre
17. Phil Bond
18. Harry Ludi
19. Matt Bozanic
20. Wayne Humphries
21. Karl Eastaway
22. Bernie Griffiths
23. Taz Charker
24. Gilbert Wong
25. Ching Ling Ho