I wanna hear a joke, tell me one.
Replies to This Discussion
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Premium MemberPermalink Reply by Gabe on -
How do you stop your neighbors kids from coming into your garden?
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Permalink Reply by Isaac Naumann on
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Kill them?
Gabe said:How do you stop your neighbors kids from coming into your garden?
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Permalink Reply by nige on
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Q. What do yo get if you mix up you hamoroid cream and your Colgate ?
A. Receeding gums and a ring of confidence..
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Premium MemberPermalink Reply by Gabe on -
Molest them...
Isaac Naumann said:Kill them?
Gabe said:How do you stop your neighbors kids from coming into your garden?
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close enough ;)
Gabe said:Molest them...
Isaac Naumann said:Kill them?
Gabe said:How do you stop your neighbors kids from coming into your garden?
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ASRA AdminPermalink Reply by bernie on -
Woman reported that she had been raped near the WACA sports ground in Perth.
She told the Police that although the assailant was wearing long white trousers, a white shirt, and a mask, and did not speak, she was absolutely certain that he was a visiting English Batsman.
The Police then asked how she could be so sure.
She replied:
"He wasn't in for very long!"
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Premium MemberPermalink Reply by Shannon on -
Confidence is getting home at 4:00am reeking of cheap
perfume, slapping your wife gently on the arse and
whispering "you're next!"
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Premium MemberPermalink Reply by Shannon on -
WORDS WOMEN USE
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FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right
and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks -
this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
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FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your
football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an
even trade.
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NOTHING
This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually
used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out,
upside down, and backwards. 'Nothing" usually signifies an argument that
will last "Five Minutes" and end with 'Fine'
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GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing"
and will end with the word "Fine"
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GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will
get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing"
and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools
off.
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LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at
that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you over "Nothing"
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SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she
is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay
content.
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THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man.
"That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you
back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with
the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow.
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GO AHEAD.
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big
trouble.
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PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to
come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is
that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and
you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"
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THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.
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THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when
she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in
some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to
ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"
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Premium MemberPermalink Reply by Shannon on -
The 5 Secrets of a Great Relationship - for women
1. It is important to find a man who works around the house,
occasionally cooks and cleans, and who has a job.
2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man who is dependable and doesn't lie.
4. It is important to find a man who's good in bed and who loves to
have sex with you.
5. It is extremely important that these four men never meet.
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Permalink Reply by Geoff Carroll on
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This guys walks into a bank and says to the teller "i want to bank some fucking money".
The teller says "i'm sorry"?
Guy says " are you fucking deaf? i want to bank some fucking money".
Teller says "please wait a minute sir i'll go and get the manager".
Teller comes back with the manager and says "whats the problem here sir"?
Guy says "I haven't got a problem, i just want to bank some fucking money and your bank is fucking me around".
Manager says "well how much money did you want to bank today sir"?
Guy says "about 3 fucking million"
Manager turns to the teller and says "okay slut fuck off, I'll serve this cunt"!
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Permalink Reply by Ben Shane on
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Heaven is where the police are British,
the chefs Italian,
the mechanics German,
the lovers French,
and it's all organized by the Swiss.Hell is where the police are German,
the chefs are British,
the mechanics French,
the lovers Swiss,
and it is all organized by the Italians.
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Premium MemberPermalink Reply by Dani on -
My turn!!!
So a Penguin is taking a cruise in his car along the coast of Antarctica when he starts to have engine problems. He just manages to crawl the car into a nearby mechanics before the car craps itself and stops with a sudden jolt. ''I just have to finish this other job off'' says the mechanic, ''I can take a quick look at her in 20 minutes of so''. The penguin asks if their is anywhere to get some grub nearby and he is directed across the road to a deli.
The penguin heads over, orders a bowl of fish with large amounts of tomato sauce and chews it all down. When he finishes he still has about 5 minutes left to wait so he opts for vanilla ice-cream. As I'm sure you can appreciate, eating an ice-cream is not the easiest task for a Penguin. Holding that little stick between your flippers can tricky. This results in our penguin hero getting a lot of ice-cream around his face.
Once he has finished he heads back across the street to check on the mechanic and his car. ''Looks like you've blown a seal mate'' says the mechanic, ''No, no, no'' exclaims the penguin, ''it's ice-cream I swear!!''
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